So that’s 2014 over with then, and I must say it’s been an interesting year. Certainly not as adventurous as last year but that does not mean it was rubbish. 2014 was a different sort of adventure altogether. So without further ado here is my little year in review which is rather self indulgent and some might say narcissistic but it’s a good thing for me to look back and see what happened.
I got myself a new contract back in March that was only supposed to be for two months. This forced me to move to Oxford but it’s not been a poor move. Yes I generally dislike the city and it’s upper class nature but it has bought about a huge amount of good. The job has enabled me to do my CBT and buy a beautiful bike that I have mostly enjoyed riding. It has enabled me to spend some time out of the country exploring the wonderful city of Prague and the beautiful country of Portugal. It has forced me slightly to push my comfort zone in order to meet potentially new and interesting people. It has helped me massively by allowing me to refill the savings account a bit too which will no doubt come in rather useful. Some people might say I’m getting my life back on track but it’s never really had a track so to speak and the thought of what others deem as normality still makes me anxious inside.
Speaking of anxious and anxiety I think this year has been great for me in that sense. Most of my major anxious moments have not reared their ugly heads apart from the one I mention in the last post. Maybe this year is less of a general challenge than last but I have still managed to push my limitations. One thing that always makes me anxious is letting new people into my life, but this year I have met at least three new people that have made me feel okay about being who I am and even encouraged me to embrace myself a bit more. I even had a brief relationship with one of those people and even though that didn’t work out I would still call them a good new friend.
Speaking of friends the not so good news is that my oldest friend has gone dark on me. It’s likely that they will read this and hate me for mentioning it but when I’m concerned about someone I tend to write about them. The story behind this feels ridiculous every time I think about it or tell it. I was home one night and in a really good mood and I had been drinking a bit. I had not heard from this friend for a few months which is very normal for our friendship and decided to call them around 22:00. They didn’t answer and it went through to voicemail, I left probably a rambley tipsy message no doubt mentioning that I’d like to speak to them (the finer details of the call have been lost in my brain). The next day I get an angry SMS message from them telling me that I had woke them up by calling and they could not get back to sleep. I apologised back via SMS and told them get in touch when they could. Since then.. nothing. I could assume several things from this lack of communication but I cannot know the truth until they choose to tell me. Of course if they choose never to tell me then I guess I have my answer about our friendship. It’s quite sad to think about that and definitely one to take into counselling.
On a lighter note I managed to finally see the mighty Lawnmower Deth. That may not sound like an achievement but trust me with their breakup back in the 90’s it’s something I never thought would happen and something I have been wanting to do since I was about 23 years old. I also caught New Model Army (yes again), some Shakespeare and had some gigs lined up for the end of the year that sadly due to illness I could not get to. I accepted my sexuality a bit more and have been able to embrace parts that have been hiding slightly and loving everything about this.
I think that’s about it, if not the rest will have to wait until another post. Let’s look ahead slightly, I turn 40 this year, I’m not entirely sure what that means but it might end up with me getting my first tattoo and all depending on the work/money situation for the year it’s probably going to mean that I am at some point in 2015 going to get to travel again a bit. The destination is a little bit secretive for now until I make something concrete out of it but having a plan in my head that I believe is achievable is a very valuable thing. Don’t go expecting me to settle down any time soon, I have played with the idea of buying some bricks and mortar but the problem with that is that I have no idea where that place may be or even if I should considering how I enjoy being so minimalist.