I am never sure if I come across as confident or not, its not something I give a lot of thought to either but I can tell you that the majority of the time I don’t feel confident and sometimes I find this very frustrating. There is a part of my brain that finds it very hard to be sure of things I produce from time to time, this is especially so in my writing. When people read or hear what I write and compliment it I find this compliment really hard to accept.
This of course is also reflected in my relationships and I have always found it difficult to approach people in social situations generally, even more so if they are of the opposite sex and I like them. However this is not a problem while I am working, there is something very different about that situation that takes that away. For me to be that way with people in those social situations it definitely helps if I have had a drink or two in me. In fact over the past seven years I don’t think that I have managed to talk to someone I like without at least one drink in me. Now this may sound bad like I am reliant upon alcohol to remove my inhibitions but I’d like to throw this little fact out there. It’s not the fear of rejection that stops me being that way, it’s the fear of being a complete arsehole. I never want to be that guy, the guy that never knows when to give up, the guy that treats the women he is interested in like a brick wall that must be bashed with a hammer until it falls, I never want to be that guy. When I talk to a member of the opposite sex I tend to be incredibly respectful (it’s how I was bought up) which is not a bad thing but it does mean that I find it much harder to approach women, which would probably be the same if I was gay and trying to approach a male companion. I believe it is common knowledge that confidence is attractive it’s sexy (apparently). This knowledge should put pressure on me to be confident but this pressure is not well received and if I am in a room with people more confident than me I usually stay out the way. There is of course a difference between confident and arrogant and although again I have read that arrogance is sexy it is something that I have never wanted or tried to be.
There is of course another way to look at this because I can be confident in things, I certainly don’t feel the need to boast and brag about what I can do, in fact I prefer to keep certain talents and parts of my personality hidden until I need them. So in doing so maybe I am more happy and more confident in myself in who I am and what type of person I am. I love to surprise people who might think that I would never do a certain thing or have no knowledge of certain things. So I will continue to work on my confidence and listen to someone when they tell me they like something that I have done. If your interested my current method of altering this behaviour in me is below, it might be helpful somehow.
First of all find a distance from my initial thoughts which is usually t disbelieve whatever I am being told, this is not an easy task as this is my normal thought patterns which are not necessarily the truth. I then try to not immediately reflect the compliment by imagining it’s like a pill that I first hold in my hand, then mouth and finally swallow allowing before giving the pill time to work. This process may minute, hours or even days I try to hold the words for s long as possible and see how they actually make me feel, be with them for a long period of time if you like. During this time I try not to ask questions I cannot answer like “I wonder why they liked it?” If I need to ask that question I try to ask the person who made the compliment in the first place. I find and am often surprised to find that somewhere inside me there is a proud person strutting their stuff saying “Yep, thats me, I did that”. Finally I try to interact with this side of me, drink some of it’s joyful potion and be with it, dance with it if you like in a celebration of me.