I had a clear bit of thinking the other day as I was walking through a national park gazing at the beautiful colours of autumn in South Korea. I do believe that I have started to be less harsh upon myself. I certainly feel very different from who I was a year ago and I know so much more about myself than I did before. I think I can officially call myself an ‘introverted extrovert’, it’s a phrase that has been roaming around my brain for a while and to me it feels like a positive thing. Society (in general) frowns upon introverts, often calling us anti-social, awkward, selfish and so on but introversion is not a bad thing. I saw a video on YouTube some time ago that I could really relate to that helped me accept that side of me more.
You see I have displayed both introvert and extrovert personalities for some years without even knowing it but I always thought I was an introvert. Some people might call me an ‘Ambivert’ which is defined as a person who has both traits but I feel that the introverted side is a lot stronger so I am sticking with my definition. I often finding myself recharging my batteries by spending a lot of time alone with my own thoughts, I am softly spoken, internal, a thinker and have holidayed alone a lot over the last seven years or so and thoroughly enjoyed it. The extrovert side is a bit more foreign to me. Take for instance the feeling I get when I perform spoken word in front of people, this is certainly not something I believe a pure introvert would do. I also quite like dancing, be it in group form at one of the ceilidhs I go to or more erratic and solo at a club or live music and generally don’t care if people are pointing and laughing at me. I remember a few years ago I was at Exit Festival (which was awesome) and the Prodigy were playing and I was dancing like a man possessed and some (admittedly) drunk guy comes up to me and says.
“Man I love the way you dance, you put your whole self into it”
“There is no other way” I tell him with a huge sweaty grin on my face
I am not one of these people that just does a small two step in the corner, if I am into what is happening then I am all in. As a disclaimer I don’t do that kind of thing just to ’show off’ or ‘look cool’ in fact I rarely (if ever) do anything just to ‘look cool’. Over the course of the last few years and especially upon this trip I have allowed that side of me to show through a lot more and more importantly not feeling guilty or ashamed of it. I think what I am trying to say is that if next time you meet me in person and you knew me before I went on this journey and see something you might feel is a bit ‘out of character’ for me just ask yourself if this is potentially the more extrovert side of my personality.