I admit that I have been utterly rubbish at writing my monthly update. I half wrote something for April but it never saw the light of day. If I told you that my brain just about held onto life as it was at the time and yes I know I use writing to help me put things into place. It felt like a lot of 2017 I was treading water trying not to drown but this does not mean it was a bad year, no. Not at all.
New place to live
When I left you in March my offer on the house had been accepted, it was a momentous occasion and one that was soon to be fraught with issues. It took until August the 10th for me to officially become the owner of the house and I moved in over that bank holiday weekend. It was a struggle but I am sure it could have been worse. The delays were numerous, one being that the previous owner had split with their partner who was also living in the house and was refusing to leave. Eventually, we had to get them evicted which made me feel bloody awful but there was no way I was going to back down at this point. Communication between myself and my now ex-landlord Selwyn had got to crisis levels where I basically tried to stay away from him at all possible costs. The second major delay happened after the person was evicted as they left their car in the driveway, the car was not taxed and had not been on the road for a few years but again they didn’t move it. After much hassle finally, Bristol Council took the car away and finally we could finalise the purchase.
I can’t quite tell you how I felt about it all. Words don’t quite cut it. There were feelings of relief, disbelief, anxiety and all sorts and they hit me all at once. I think since then I have been reeling from the event, just getting used to the fact that this place is now what I get to call home. The house had been vacant for several months and not properly cleaned by the previous owners. My friend Oz came to Bristol to help me move in and clean. There was a lot of mould growing in the fridge freezer they left, a lot of dirt and a lot of places that looked like they had not been cleaned properly in years or ever. It was a weird re-bonding moment for us as friends and I seriously appreciate the help. So much so I managed to get her quite drunk on rum and other such things that she was very hungover which apparently doesn’t happen. First time for everything so they say.
Saying Yes and…
I have embraced the world of Improv. I’m not sure as yet if the world of Improv has embraced me as yet. I still feel like I force myself upon them and it would be hypocritical of them to turn me away. However, I have done some sort of improv at least once a month for the entire year and I am actually rather proud of myself for doing so. I still doubt what I am doing a lot of the time but I still enjoy it a lot. At times where I have felt down and a complete lack of energy and enthusiasm, I can go to the improv evening and come out of it with a huge smile on my face and a feeling of achievement. In a week I start my 2nd major bit of training in improv and believe it or not I am seriously looking forward to it. My theory to say “yes” to more things seems to be working.
Showing my hand
Speaking of saying yes this is where I will leave out some of the details to protect people. Last February I came out of a relationship with some mental bruises so to speak. During most of this year I have just had way too much going on and during those times I have sat back and licked my proverbial wounds which have healed somewhat.
On a dark and interesting night, I was out with a “friend” in Bristol. We had been to see a strange but good play that was based on a real-life scenario where Lego was being washed up on a beach in Cornwall. I had been out with this person many times before and in the 2 years that I have lived in Bristol they have been a good friend to me but I have always struggled to tell them that I thought of them in more than a friend way. There were times where the two of us would get drunk and end up snogging and I felt guilty about that. Not guilty about kissing them but guilty that it was always when I was drunk or had been drinking and I wanted to tell them when I was sober that I would like to do it sober and indeed more often. I felt exposed that night but in a good way, finally, I had managed to communicate to this person that I cared very deeply for them and should they want to progress our relationship past the friend stage I was more than willing to give it a go. You know what? Knowing what I know now I am very glad that I did break my silence that night.
I have already mentioned more improv. I seriously need to paint this house and get rid of that horrible magnolia colour in the lounge. I want to do more performance, keep swimming, more cycling, more motorbiking, dance, love, live life to the full and laugh until my belly hurts. I have decided to quit the job in Oxford and go hunting in the area for something. It’s a bloody risky move but there are several things about the Oxford job that I can no longer deal with. What else? Oh yes… I’m going to try and finish my API, I have no idea how I am going to make any money off it but I think that it is a service that could be great if I get the right input. It could turn into an income for me so that I can concentrate on other things. I’m sure there is a lot more I can do in 2018.
If I told you that I was also going to try to keep this more up to date you’d be entitled to doubt it. But the intention is there even if I don’t actually do it.
Love and rockets